Portrait of Abidzar who Feels Burdened by the Stigma of 'Ustaz's Son', Once Thought of Crashing Himself to Die Quickly

Through The Leonardo's podcast, Abidzar told Onadio that he feels tired of the label 'ustaz's son' attached to him. Because, there are many things he wants to do but hindered by that label.

"It's really heavy, honestly (the branding of an ustaz's child). I'm tired, I even wanted to commit suicide," said Abidzar, as quoted from YouTube The Leonardo's.

"Because I can't do what people my age do. Not as strict as my family. Yeah, I want to hang out, want to wear shorts, want to smoke, but I can't, like yesterday I went viral just for wearing earrings, I was criticized everywhere. Even, I moved houses for 8 years just to avoid infotainment, that heavy," he continued.

Abidzar said that the continuous problems that come to him actually made him think about ending his life. He even avoided the pursuit of infotainment for 8 years.

"Because I'm tired. At that time, after my father passed away, not long after my grandfather passed away next to me. Not long after that, my house caught fire, and I had to avoid infotainment for 8 years," said Abidzar.

"As a child under 15 years old, I'm tired. I don't know how to face everything, because my father was rarely at home before. Until finally, when I was skipping school in high school, smoking at a friend's house, I saw a tree while listening to Fourtwnty, and I wanted to commit suicide. 'It seems nice to be a tree,'" he continued.

However, now Abidzar begins to realize that his presence in this world is greatly needed by his loved ones, especially his family. The desire to commit suicide slowly diminishes.

“I am also aware that I am needed by many people, especially my family. So, now it's getting better, but it used to be really bad,” concluded Abidzar.