Father's Confession of Ashraf Sinclair Two Weeks After the Departure of His Son: Numbness, Loss of Color in My Life

Kapanlagi.com - It has been two weeks since Ashraf Sinclair passed away on February 18, 2020. The feeling of sadness and disbelief over Ashraf's departure is still felt by the family, both from BCL and his father, Mohamed Sinclair.

Mohamed expresses all his sadness in his Facebook post. In it, he reveals how painful it is to lose his beloved son, to the point of feeling numb.

"It has been almost two weeks since you suddenly left us, Ash. Last night was the last tahlil, at least until the 40th day," wrote Mohamed Sinclair on his personal Facebook, Sunday, March 1, 2020.

Mohamed reveals that only after 40 days of Ashraf's departure, he can clearly understand what he is feeling.

"I was asked at your funeral how I felt, I said I didn't have the right words to describe my feelings - but how do I feel now?" he wrote.

1. Numbness and Loss of Color in Life

Ashraf Sinclair's father revealed how devastated he was when his son left. He felt numb, and the colors of his life began to fade with Ashraf's departure.

"Numbness, primarily. I can go about my daily activities, but most of the colors of my life have vanished. I can laugh, smile, joke with friends and family, and pose with mourners during the tahlilan, but much of what I do is because I have to do it. I forced myself to smile last night, more than usual," he expressed.

2. Not Comparable to Bunga Citra Lestari and Noah's Pain

©KapanLagi.com/Budy Santoso

Mohamed Sinclair also compared his feelings to those of Bunga Citra Lestari and Noah Sinclair. He, who still feels tightness and sadness when thinking about Ashraf's departure, feels that what he feels is not comparable to what Bunga and Noah, two people who were loved by Ashraf and accompanied him in his daily life, feel.

"If I feel like this, then how about Bunga, an extraordinary and strong woman like her, and Noah, who is 9 years old?" he explained.

He also revealed the most painful thing he felt when Ashraf Sinclair left. For him, the most painful feeling is that he is powerless to turn back time.

"One of the most painful things is not the feeling of 'why,' but powerlessness, the powerlessness to alleviate others' pain, the powerlessness because I cannot turn back time, even to offer myself as a replacement for his life, as any parent would do, without a second thought and in the blink of an eye," he stated.

3. Ask Ashraf to Book a Place in Heaven

At the end of his sentence, Mohamed Sinclair prayed and asked Ashraf Sinclair, who had gone ahead, to book a place in heaven for his family.

"I accept this as God's will and plan, but while you're there, Ash, please check the accommodations and book a nice place for all of us when we travel at the appointed time, doing the same journey," he said.

"God bless you Ashraf and thank you for everything!" he concluded.

4. Father's Confession

©facebook.com/Mohamed-Sinclair

(kpl/dwn)