Pros and Cons of Coming Out as LGBT: Not Wanting to Lie to Oneself & the Importance of Family Support

Kapanlagi.com - Disclaimer: This interview includes several sources from different professions, such as sociologists, psychologists, sexologists, and LGBTQ activists.

Reporter: Adi Abbas Nugroho, Dadan Eka Permana, Nuzulur Rakhmah, Sahal Fadhli, Fikri Alfi Rosyadi.

Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, and Transgender people, commonly known as LGBTQ, are currently a hotly debated issue. In Indonesia, LGBTQ is also a controversial topic with pros and cons. Moreover, in Indonesia, where social norms are heavily influenced by traditional customs, LGBTQ groups often face rejection and even persecution.

Quoting from CNN, there have been several cases of rejection and persecution of LGBTQ people in Indonesia. In November 2018, Satpol PP in Padang, West Sumatra, arrested 10 women accused of having same-sex relationships. In the same year, in Lampung, Satpoll PP raided a beach and arrested three people suspected of being waria. One month earlier, the West Java Police arrested two men who managed a Facebook group called Gay Bandung Indonesia.

Not only that, in 2020, the Depok City Government planned to raid LGBTQ activists in Depok. This policy was rejected by Amnesty International and the National Commission on Human Rights (Komnas HAM) because it was considered discriminatory, cruel, and inhumane.

Just a little information, according to the official website of GAYa Nusantara, gayanusantara.or.id, the LGBTQ movement in Indonesia is believed to have started with the establishment of the first transgender organization, Himpunan Wadam Djakarta (HIWAD), in 1969. Wadam, which stands for “woman Adam”, received a lot of protests for using the name of Prophet Adam. The term wadam was then replaced with the name we now know as waria or “man-woman”.

The LGBT community in Indonesia grew with the establishment of an organization called the Yogyakarta Waria Association (IWAYO) in 1982, and the Gay Brotherhood of Indonesia (PGY), which later changed its name to the Indonesian Gay Society (IGS) in 1988.

Since then, several organizations that support LGBT groups have emerged one by one from other regions in Indonesia.

And in this era, many influencers have emerged who are open about and even declare themselves as LGBT, whether they are gay, lesbian, or transgender. Although they have faced controversy and rejection, they have persisted until now.

One such person is Ragil Mahardika, an Indonesian man who openly admits that he is attracted to the same sex and is even married to another gay man from Germany named Fred. They now live together in Germany.

Ragil is known to the public through his TikTok account @ragilmahardika, which has over 3.8 million followers. On Instagram, Ragil has more than 180 thousand followers, and his YouTube channel named KaroJerman RagilFred has over 141 thousand subscribers.

Since deciding to be open about his sexual orientation, Ragil has often faced rejection and criticism, and many have criticized his relationship with Fred. However, there are also many who appreciate his courage in opening up that he is a gay in public, considering that in Indonesia itself, the LGBT group is considered taboo by many people.

As for the lesbian couple who are also in the spotlight, namely the couple Chika Kinsky and Yumi Kwandy. Having been in a relationship for about 2 years, Chika and Yumi are reportedly going to get married abroad in the near future.

Chika and Yumi are very aware that same-sex marriage cannot be done in Indonesia. Therefore, getting married abroad is the only option. In fact, they have also bought a house that they will live in together, and the house is already in their name.

There are several Indonesian celebrities who are open about their sexual orientation. For example, Dorce Gamalama openly admitted that she is a transgender. In addition, there are also Millen Cyrus, Dinda Syarief, Gabby Vesta, Dena Rachman, and also Oscar Lawalata who now even has a lover and is reportedly going to get married soon.

1. Regarding Openly Acknowledging LGBTQ from a Sexologist's Perspective

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The existence of LGBTQ groups in society is also a spotlight for experts. Zoya Amirin, a Clinical Sexologist or Clinical Psychology explained that currently the biggest acknowledgment that they are an LGBTQ is more dominated by Gen Z young people. Compared to the millennial generation, Zoya said that these Gen Zs are more daring to reveal their identity, especially about their sexual orientation.u00a0

"Some millennials are still half-hearted, meaning it depends on their parents. Millennials are okay if their friends are like that, but if they themselves, but if their siblings or closest people, they tend to condemn. I didn't make this research, this is just the view of people around me. So, note that this is not research and only observations from social media and interviews. If Gen Z every time I talk about sex education, I ask first what age they are, millennials ask a lot of questions, they are open if (with) their friends, but if their siblings, their closest people don't," said Zoya Amirin when met by KapanLagi some time ago.

She has also experienced some strange experiences when giving consultations to her patients. When consulting, some of her patients bring along their families in order to get recognition and support from their loved ones.

"What's even more peculiar is when they bring their families here to show them, ask for understanding from their parents, until their parents ask their child to stay this way. For example, if they are already in a lesbian relationship, they have already dated hundreds of guys, already kissed, but cannot, then when asked, maybe because they work with too many men or women, they end up like that, oh it doesn't affect them like that," she said.

Even in other cases, some people who identify as gay ask for her help to become a normal man who likes the opposite sex again. Zoya revealed that there are still many people who are currently oriented as gay or lesbian, but also want to be able to return to normal.

"Are you ready or not, what's difficult is an example like me turning back into a heterosexual if he is not himself, it's difficult. There are also those who admit to being gay, I give them specialized counseling guidance called affirmative therapy. What's difficult is if they are gay but want to be normal, it's difficult. Learning to accept it is a process, but usually for those who are gay and lesbian, my message is once you come out to your family, try to slowly talk about it, if your parents don't accept it, let them cry first, let their feelings process first before they can accept it, that is also for those who come out as gay and lesbian, especially to their families, let the family process it first,” she continued.

2. Chika and Yumi, a Lesbian Couple Drunk with Love

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Love does not discriminate against someone's gender. This is what Chika Kinsky and Yumi Kwandy, a lesbian couple who have openly talked about their relationship in public, feel. They even plan to get married and live together.

In addition, this couple creates content on YouTube, a podcast that discusses LGBTQ issues. The content they produce aims to educate Indonesians who still look down on the LGBTQ community. From the content they produce, they receive a lot of support and encouragement. What's most interesting about their story is that there are some people who are willing to meet just to give each other support.

"Because we only focus on the positive things, we never talk about anything dirty or inappropriate. From the beginning, we were surprised by the response to Yumsky's Diary. We started it just for fun, and 85% of the responses were positive," said Chika Kinsky to KapanLagi.com.

"Most of the people who come to us are not straight, some even have families, including children. Some come with their mothers and children." It's like being a grandchild, child, and grandmother. Her husband is also supportive, and we're also confused because there are rarely any who fully support the LGBT community," Yumi added.

In Indonesia, which is quite thick with Javanese culture and tradition, it is possible that LGBT people face a lot of rejection. However, according to Chika and Yumi, this is nothing more than a lack of education that teaches about the existence of LGBTQ.

"According to me, it's not about Javanese culture or not. It's just that since we were young, we didn't have education for it. It's the same as before, there was no sex education in schools, now sex education can be taught in schools. So people indirectly think 'oh, sex education exists, there are teachings about it, what's the use of condoms, etc.' even when people don't know yet," said Yumi.

Yumi continued, asserting that Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transgender, and Queer are not contagious diseases, but rather psychological conditions. Even now, she often receives expressions of 'get well soon' from netizens who still see LGBTQ as a disease.

"But when it comes to LGBTQ, in my opinion, even schools haven't taught it yet." There's something like this, it's not a disease, it's psychological and it's not something that can be contagious. Because we often receive 'get well soon' and honestly when people say 'get well soon' it's quite inviting. Actually, there are many, if searched and read, it's not a disease," said the 25-year-old model.

3. Support from Family

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Amidst the rejection of LGBTQ groups in society, Chika and Yumi admitted that they received support from their closest family, who are none other than their family members. Yumi, for example, her parents also support her relationship with Chika.

Fortunately, her parents are not active on social media, so they don't know when their daughter is being criticized here and there. Meanwhile, Yumi was also surprised by some of her cousins who secretly supported her. She who thought her family was quite narrow-minded turned out to be giving a lot of support. "Meeting cousins like me who are so devilish, whatever I say, then one day he saw, I was quite surprised, he saw me being criticized by who and I replied to those netizens, then he said why are you bothering with that. He got angry even though he never said 'I support' but when they insulted me 'you're wrong, turn, like this, like that' he spoke up. My sister is also fine," she said.

Their relationship is not shaken by the many criticisms. The couple who have been in a relationship for the past few years are actually more indifferent to the bad comments about their relationship. Chika, for example, responded to unpleasant comments by choosing to ignore them. "Actually, we're more indifferent," said Chika. Unlike Chika, Yumi, who spends more time on social media, felt scared when she had to surf the internet. Although she was initially afraid because of the many insults and criticisms from the public, over time, both of them are now more relaxed in responding to negative comments from netizens. "Personally, I suddenly have netizens, even though I don't. I'm afraid of social media, honestly. It seems like social media is my job, not my life, it's different. So, if I have to read comments like that, it's okay," Yumi added.

4. Ragil Mahardika: My Extended Family Already Knows I'm Gay

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For some time now, Ragil Mahardika's name has been a hot topic in the public eye in Indonesia. Moreover, since he was invited as a guest star on Deddy Corbuzier's podcast, Ragil's name has always been on the search list on almost every social media platform. 

Ragil himself is an openly gay Indonesian who has publicly revealed his sexual orientation as a homosexual or gay. Even now, Ragil is married to a German man named Fred and they live there together. 

Being gay is not easy for Ragil, especially when dealing with family. A major decision happened to him when he revealed his true self to his extended family. Ragil has already told his family that he is gay since 2014. 

"Well, when I had already settled in Germany, about three years in Germany, I told my family. I want to live in Germany longer because this is my place, everything, and finally I told them, honestly, that there is one thing that I have to say, which is about my sexual orientation. So, in 2014, I came out to my extended family before I posted it on my social media," said Ragil Mahardika when contacted by phone.

5. Don't Want Family to Know From Social Media

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Ragil has a strong reason why he told his family about his sexual orientation first. He didn't want to feel scared and constrained again in expressing his identity in front of the public or through social media. By telling his family directly, at least he will feel more comfortable when expressing himself on social media. Because, if his family found out through social media, they would certainly feel hurt, and it would be even harder for him and his family. "So, at the beginning of dating, I never posted pictures of my boyfriend, just pictures of my table like our friends who haven't opened up yet. But I felt like I was being restrained, why can't I post, while I already live in Germany. I'm in a support system that is very tolerant of sexual orientation. I have social media but I can't express myself on my social media. Yes, that's why I'm afraid if my family finds out from my social media, it will be much harder." Especially if my friends know and they tell my family, it's even harder why I didn't say it," said the 31-year-old man.

Telling the extended family about his identity is not as easy as flipping a switch. He had to go through many days and tears to be able to gain acceptance and recognition from his family, until finally he could win with his choice.

"That's when I felt it was the right time to tell my extended family that I have a different orientation. Finally, I told them and the process was also long, their acceptance was not immediate. But for months there were tears here and there, but from there I won my desire to express myself on social media because my extended family already knew," he explained.

Moreover, his mother also felt devastated by his honesty. Ragil said that before accepting him as he is now, his mother suffered a lot, until finally she could accept his current identity. And some time ago, his mother and sister recently went to Germany to visit him and meet Fred's family.

"People think it's a very easy process, meaning that my mother can appreciate her child, but before that people never knew how much she suffered to get to that position. But people always look at the front and see the results." But if my friends who know me, my long-time followers who have been following me on YouTube or Instagram, they know the process," he said.

6. Netizens' Comments That Insult Him and His Family

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Accepted by the family, but not by the general public, especially in Indonesia.After daring to express himself through social media, Ragil continued to receive criticism and hateful comments from netizens.Nevertheless, Ragil understands and does not blame them. 

"People see it, right? When they're on the fyp (Tik Tok), they only see what's on the fyp now, right? Like if Ragil, his husband, and his mother are wearing hijabs, they immediately leave negative comments that defame our whole family.That's just the typical Indonesian mindset, we can't really blame them, maybe it's our culture, I'm like that too," he explained. 

Ragil believes that if people were more mature in their behavior, they would be able to find out more about him first, instead of immediately giving baseless criticism.But once again, for Ragil, Indonesians are still not ready to accept this. 

"But that's just how Indonesians think, they think that because they were given money and invited to Germany, they accepted it, right? I'm just being a good son by giving money to my parents.I would be a disobedient child if I didn't give money to my parents, even though I live a very comfortable life in Germany.But it's not about the money or material things, it's about why their child is like this." Well, finding out what their mistakes are and why their child is different in all sorts of ways. I always say we need to look at the process behind it all and what it's like," he added.

Being open about different sexual orientations to many people requires stability and maturity in thinking. Therefore, Ragil said that those who openly announce themselves as LGBT have certainly gone through a long, tiring, and painful process. 

"Friends who are LGBTQ+ now who are brave enough to be open must be in a fairly mature position, that's why they want to post their lives. Because if not, their families will be destroyed if they do not strengthen their family position. So it's not just a matter of seeking popularity by airing taboo LGBTQ+ things, but the reality is that my life is like that. I hope that friends who want to speak up or who dare to speak the truth may do so. Because it will win the hearts of viewers if we speak more realistically if we are from LGBTQ+ or all sorts of things without having to be made up without engineering," he continued.

7. Deciding to Get Married

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Every couple surely has a goal to step up to a higher level, namely marriage. The same goes for what Ragil and his lover, Frederik Vollert, felt. After four years of dating, Ragil and Fred finally decided to get married in 2018, after both of them got the blessing of their parents. 

"Actually, it's the same as a heterosexual relationship, right? The goal of dating is to get married so that it's more official, so that it's legal. Finally, we are in that position, we have been dating for four years and in the dating process we feel comfortable and we feel that we are compatible, so we choose to get married. We follow the process together and live it," said Ragil.

"Finally, we got married in 2018, then had the opportunity to buy a house together, and now we see it on Tik Tok. So, actually, it's the same as a heterosexual couple meeting someone, dating, and if they don't like it, they break up, if they like it, they continue dating and finally get married. Then build a household like that," said Frederik Vollert's lover.

Not much different from a heterosexual or normal couple, Ragil and Fred apparently also have a desire to have children. And with the presence of a child in the family, it makes their household more complete. 

"Now I'm thinking of adopting a child. Actually, there's no difference, the only thing that's different is the bedroom affairs, that's just the term. But in terms of life processes and choices, why get married, why want to have a child, it's actually the same because both want to build a complete household," he concluded. 

8. LGBTQ is Not a Crime

© instagram.com/ragilmahardika

Among the many objections and rejections of his sexual orientation, Ragil, who is now more open, also received a lot of support and fans. He believes that those who support him have a different view of LGBT. This support makes him feel that he has won the hearts of many people. 

"Many people see the LGBT side from a different perspective, from a different point of view. Religious or non-religious friends see that this is their context of life. And I feel like I've won their hearts because I always show myself as I am, not fake, and provide information that may be taboo but also worth discussing. But still, with my humor, jokes, and education, I make them, cook what ingredients, how to garden," he added.

Many people consider LGBTQ to be a criminal act, which irritates Ragil Mahardika. For Ragil, the occurrence of a crime is not about sexual orientation, but about the perpetrator. Whether it's normal or their sexual orientation is different, they can still commit criminal acts. 

"Because our media always bombard the public with negative things about LGBT. In fact, it's the same as many other people who commit criminal acts. So it's not about their orientation, it's about the person themselves. Regardless of their orientation, if they are a criminal, they will be a criminal. So it's not just because they are gay that they will become rapists, murderers, or thieves. It's the person who is wrong, not their orientation. That's what I always want to tell people, to see a person for who they are, not for their orientation," he emphasized.

As someone with a different sexual orientation, Ragil also gives a message to his other friends, who are now starting to be open about their true selves. To be able to live comfortably and be accepted in society, it's best not to be too selfish.

"I just want to say that we shouldn't be selfish. So we also have to think about the happiness of the people around us. As long as they are happy, we won't be bothered by them. Let's respect each other, let's just think about our own lives. If they are in that position, they will be safe and secure in Indonesia. It's not about orientation, but about religion, race, and culture. There will be no more discrimination," he explained.

9. Respecting Each Other is Enough

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Finally, Ragil expressed that everyone should respect each other, including their life choices. Not interfering in other people's lives will make the situation more peaceful and comfortable.

"Imagine if we don't care about the personal affairs of person A or person B, at least we can live happily together," said Ragil.

"Let's not think about other people's lives, let's just think about our own lives, let's think about whether our stove is still working or not, what we will eat tomorrow, and work. But we should respect others who are in a different position than us. But it doesn't mean we have to follow or accept it if we don't like it. But we don't need to avoid people who are different from us," Ragil concluded.

As a conclusion, Una Dembler, one of the transgender people who used to be named Arjuna, revealed that LGBTQ is not a disease. Like Ragil Mahardika, Chika Kinsky, and Yumi Kwandy, being someone with a different sexual orientation is not easy, especially when they want to be accepted without having to lie about their true identity.

Not only that, Una and her LGBTQ friends often feel hurt when their different sexual orientation is considered a disease.

"I just suggest that if you think LGBT is a disease, I don't think it is. We just want to be ourselves." If it's said that it's difficult for us, it's really difficult. It's considered a disease, it hurts the heart. But honestly, I just want to be honest. If I lie, I'll be restless. But I listen more to what my parents say than others," said Una Dembler.

10. Feminine Man Named Tata Liem

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The buzz around influencers' confessions about their LGBTQ sexual orientation also caught Tata Liem's attention. Yes, one of the artist managers whose name is quite well-known for his feminine figure also shared his experience as a feminine man, who used to receive a lot of criticism, both from the public and those close to him.

Apparently, it is known that in recent years, Tata Liem has decided to change himself into a better person. At least, for almost five years now, Tata has been trying to change himself, even though it's a bit difficult, but he keeps trying to do it.

"I'm still in a phase of learning to become a better person. If I repent, I dare not say that I repent, because I still enjoy my world of flirting, the entertainment world, still my fast-paced world. For example, when I see a cute guy, I hit the brakes. My struggle has been since 2017, entering the 5th year. If I think I have made a mistake, or something unpleasant happens again, please remind me, friends, acquaintances, netizens, because humans are not immune to making mistakes, but as much as possible, let's enjoy this life better," said Tata Liem when met at Kopi Brug, South Jakarta, on Tuesday (29/4) last week.

One of the reasons Tata Liem wants to change is because of his fear of death. He saw his young colleagues, friends, and colleagues pass away so quickly, making him think that when he reaches old age, his body will embarrass him.  

"When I die, they will wash me with my long blonde hair. It's embarrassing. If they say I look like a beautiful woman, I don't. My body isn't even good, and there's nothing good about me that people can see. While I was thinking about it, I realized that I should start avoiding committing adultery, a sin that God will not forgive. I'm sorry, but I have to talk about this. We've seen a lot of things happen before, where one actor died of AIDS, or there was a handsome model, or an entertainer who changed, but in the end, it returned to its nature. We have to learn from that," he said.

This 46-year-old man said that environmental factors are not the main cause of a person's change. In fact, he is very grateful to live in Indonesia with laws that are strict enough in regulating social norms. He compared, if he lived in Thailand or the Philippines where the rules are not too strict, he might not know what he would become.  

"I live in an LGBT environment, and I support them because they have deviated from being male or female. It exists in Indonesia, and there are many outside, but we are grateful to live in Indonesia because our country has many regulations that make us afraid of those rules. For example, if I were living in Thailand or the Philippines or America, maybe I would have gone crazy, but it all comes back to being human. No matter what environment we are in, it doesn't mean we have to follow the environment. We have to be aware of ourselves and know ourselves," he explained.

11. Serves as a Lesson to Control Oneself

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Although he has started learning to live a better life, Tata Liem does not immediately leave his LGBTQ friends. For him, being in that environment is not a problem for him as long as he can defend himself, he thinks it's okay. Interestingly, being in that environment actually makes him more able to learn self-control and realize what he is doing wrong.

"Yes, lesbians and others are still in my environment and I don't mind, I'm not afraid to speak like this, this is the real education. Education is not justifying our actions that are prohibited by religion, but education is that we must be aware of ourselves, remember that there is a time when we can return to our nature. At least it's better to reduce it by 80 or 70 percent, or to eliminate it," he said.

"That means it is in line with our lives. I am not as easy as turning my hand over to not be like a woman, because I have been like this since I was a child. But my advice is, if we feel ashamed, we can control it. I see children now even proud and they seem to think it is acceptable for them, but for living in our religion, it is blamed and not justified, so we don't need to complain about it," he continued.

The number of influencers who reveal their identity as gay or lesbian in public has also become a spotlight for Tata Liem. According to him, this is the influence of increasingly advanced technology. So, information dissemination from various countries can be received faster in Indonesia.

Tata Liem himself does not have a problem with the recognition made by influencers about their sexual orientation in public. However, even so, Tata reminds and asks their LGBT colleagues to be more restrained in their openness so as not to exceed the limits that have been set.

"Because of this influence that I said is getting more advanced, films from abroad are daring, like in Thailand making series about gay and lesbian stories. It's legal there. In Indonesia, it's not allowed. For me, it's fine, but we should be grateful that we live in our country that still maintains its eastern customs and prohibits things like that. So, be a little careful, don't go overboard," said Tata Liem.

12. Famous When He Was a Woman

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Talking about the entertainment world, Tata Liem was known for his persona as a woman, with blonde hair, beautiful makeup, feminine clothing, and a flirtatious style always attached to this figure. Being a feminine man in the entertainment world is not easy for Tata, considering that the persona of a male femininity is still not widely accepted by society.

"Actually, it's harder for me in Indonesia because they haven't accepted things like that yet, especially since there are regulations on TV that prohibit it, like posing in a feminine way. But I'm grateful that I can still be accepted on TV because my appearance as a man is still in line with my education," he explained.

Tata Liem himself explained that what he does by dressing up as a woman is more of an art in photography. Therefore, he also wonders about transgender men who become women who seem to have eliminated the artistic value. Especially those who call themselves transgender who are more beautiful than women.

"Even though this is not allowed, in the past when I dressed up as a woman, it was thematic in photography. I became like a woman and channeled my hobbies. But now, I see that transgender people are different. The art is gone, and they exploit the fact that they are more beautiful than women, which is different from us in the past." I salute the late Dorce because he was an entertainer and he became like that to support his child. Nowadays, I see transgender people exploiting themselves. Sorry if they are more beautiful than women and appear sexy," said the man born in Medan.

Known for his cute and feminine appearance, Tata Liem actually desires to get married. However, for now, he wants to focus on improving himself so that when the time comes to get married, he does not feel like he is lying to his partner. He wants to truly become a normal man when he gets married.

"I don't want to lie to my partner. What's the point of getting married if it's just for camouflage, but behind it all, I am still like this? It's better not to. It's better if my future partner knows who I am and how I used to be, but as much as possible, when I get married, I am already completely normal," he explained.

"It's better not to use camouflage for marriage. Why make it harder for us to step towards a bad ending? If possible, the older we get, the better. We don't want to die with a bad ending, we want to die with a good ending," he added.

Of course, there will always be pros and cons surrounding the existence of LGBTQ in Indonesia. Nevertheless, it all comes down to each individual, whether they reject or support, like or hate them. And however, with the increasing number of LGBTQ people who are beginning to open up to the public, it cannot be denied that they are now present in society. So, let's understand more thoroughly and wisely in responding to this phenomenon. It would be better to think and find out before judging them.

13. Deciding to Get Married

Every couple has a goal to take their relationship to the next level, which is marriage. The same goes for Ragil and his partner, Frederik Vollert. After four years of dating, Ragil and Fred finally decided to get married in 2018, after getting approval from both parents. 

"Because I live in Germany. I have many friends, date like any other couple. Then finally I met someone suitable and we dated," he said.

"Actually, it's the same with heterosexual relationships. The goal of dating is to get married to make it more official and legal. Finally, we are in that position, we dated for four years and during the dating process, we felt comfortable and felt that we were compatible, so we chose to get married. We went through the process together," said Ragil.

14. Future Adoption of Children

Ragil stated that the process from dating to marriage is mostly the same as that of normal couples. They meet, date, have compatibility, and eventually decide to get married. There is not much difference.

"Finally got married in 2018, then had the opportunity to buy a house together, and now finally as we see on Tik Tok. So actually it's the same as heterosexual couples meeting someone, dating, and if they don't like each other, they break up. If they like each other, they continue dating and eventually get married. Then they build a household like that," said Frederik Vollert's partner.

Not much different from heterosexual or normal couples, Ragil and Fred also have a desire to have a child. And with the presence of a child in the family, their household becomes more complete. 

"Now we're thinking of adopting a child. Actually, there is no difference, except for the different terminology used in the bedroom. But in terms of the process of life and choosing why to get married and why to have a child, it's actually the same because we both want to build a complete household," he concluded. 

15. Many Support and Fans

Among the many objections and rejections of his sexual orientation, Ragil, who is now more open, also received a lot of support and fans. He believes that those who support him have a different view of LGBT. This support also makes him feel that he has won the hearts of many people. 

"Many people see the LGBT side from a different perspective, from a different point of view. Friends who are religious or not religious see that this is the context of his life," he said.

"And I feel like I won their hearts because I always appear as I am, not fake, give information that may be taboo but also worth discussing. But still, with my humor, fun, and education, I also make them laugh, cook, and garden," he added.

16. Is LGBT Equal to Crime?

Many people consider that LGBT is a criminal act, which is quite intriguing to Ragil Mahardika. For Ragil, the occurrence of a crime is not about sexual orientation, but it is from the perpetrator itself. Whether it is normal or has a different sexual orientation, they can still commit a crime.  

"Because our media always bombard its people with negative things about LGBT. In fact, it's the same as many people who commit crimes. So, it's not about their orientation, but it's about the person itself. Regardless of their orientation, if they are a criminal, they will be a criminal. So, it's not just because they are gay, they will become rapists, murderers, or thieves. So, it's not their orientation that is wrong, it's the person. That's what I always want to tell people to see someone from who they are, not from their orientation," he said firmly.  

As someone who has a different sexual orientation, Ragil also gave a message to his other friends, who are now also starting to open up about their identity. To be able to live comfortably and be accepted in society, it would be better not to be too selfish.  

"I just want to say that we should think about the term, we shouldn't be selfish. So, we should also think about the happiness of others around us. As long as they are happy, we are not bothered by them, right? Just respect them, actually, it's like 'Do I Care?'," said Ragil.

"It's okay, let's just think about it together, your life is your life. If they are safe in that position, then Indonesia is also safe." Not from orientation but from the religious side, from the side of race and culture, there will be no more discrimination. Because we already feel it, so why should I think about it and this has become a big problem in Indonesia, our country which has many differences. Don't just focus on orientation or religion because it never ends, as one religion insults another," he explained.

17. No Need to Interfere in Other People's Lives and Respect Each Other

Finally, Ragil expressed that everyone should respect each other, including their life choices. Not interfering in other people's lives guarantees a more peaceful and comfortable environment. "If we don't care about the personal affairs of person A and person B, at least we can live happily together," said Ragil. "Let's not think about other people's lives, let's focus on our own lives, our own kitchen, what we will eat tomorrow, and work. But we should still respect others who have different positions than us. It doesn't mean we have to follow or accept it if we don't like it. But we don't need to distance ourselves from people who are different from us," Ragil concluded.

18. Being LGBT is Difficult

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In conclusion, Una Dembler, a transgender woman formerly known as Arjuna, revealed that being LGBT is not a disease. Similarly, Ragil Mahardika, Chika Kinsky, and Yumi Kwandy, being someone with a different sexual orientation, is not easy, especially when they want to be accepted without having to lie about their true identity. Not only that, but Una and her LGBT friends often feel hurt when their different sexual orientations are considered a disease. "I only suggest that if you consider LGBT a disease, I feel it's not. We just want to be ourselves. If it's difficult to be us, it's extremely difficult. Being considered a disease hurts our feelings. But I just want to be honest. If I lie, I will only make myself restless. But I listen more to what my parents say than what others say," Una Dembler concluded.

19. Feminine Man Named Tata Liem

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The buzz around influencers' sexual orientation as LGBT has also caught the attention of Tata Liem. Yes, one of the artist managers whose name is quite well-known for his feminine persona shared his experience as a feminine man, who used to face a lot of criticism from the public and those close to him.

It seems that for the past few years, Tata Liem has decided to change himself for the better. At least, for almost five years, Tata has been trying to change himself, although it's been a bit difficult, he continues to strive to do so.

"I'm still in a learning phase to become a better person. If I repent, I dare not say I have repented, because I still enjoy my cental-centil world, the entertainment world, it's still my strong point. For example, when I see a cute guy, I'll hit the brakes," Tata Liem said when met at Kopi Brug, South Jakarta, last Tuesday (29/4).

"My struggle has been going on since 2017, entering the 5th year. If I think I have gone astray or done something inappropriate or relapse, please remind me, friends, acquaintances, netizens, because humans are not immune to making mistakes, but as much as possible, let's enjoy this life better," he continued.

20. Fear of Death and Shame

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One of the reasons Tata Liem wants to change is because of his fear of death. He sees his young colleagues, friends, and colleagues quickly meeting their end, which eventually makes him think that when he reaches old age, his body will make him ashamed."When I die, I will be bathed with my long blonde hair, which is embarrassing. If I'm told that I look like a beautiful woman, I don't, and my body isn't good either, let alone anything good about me. While I was thinking about it, I realized that it's better to start learning to avoid committing the sin of adultery, which is not forgiven by God. I'm sorry to everyone, but I have to talk about this, because we've seen a lot of things happen before, where there was an actor who died of AIDS, or a handsome model, or even an entertainer who changed, but in the end, it all comes back to nature. We have to learn from that," he said.

This 46-year-old man said that environmental factors are not the main cause of a person's change. In fact, he is grateful to live in Indonesia with laws that are strict enough in regulating social norms. He compared, if he lived in Thailand or the Philippines where the rules are not too strict, perhaps he would not know what it would be like. 

"I am in an LGBT environment and I support them because they deviate towards women or men, it exists in Indonesia, and there are many outside but we are grateful to live in Indonesia because our country has many regulations that make us afraid, and those rules make us cautious. If I lived in Thailand or the Philippines or America, maybe I would be more crazy, but it comes back to being human, no matter what environment we are in, we should not follow the environment, we should be aware of ourselves and know ourselves," he explained.

21. So, the Lesson is to Restrain Yourself

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Although she has started learning to live as a better person, Tata Liem does not immediately leave her LGBT friends. For her, being in that environment is not a problem for her, as long as she can defend herself, it's okay. Interestingly, being in an environment like that actually makes her more able to learn to restrain herself and realize what she is doing wrong. 

"Yes, being lesbian and others are still in my environment and I don't mind, I'm not afraid to speak like this, this is the real education. Education is not justifying our forbidden actions as wrong, but education is that I have to be aware of myself, remember that age has a time when everything can return to its nature. At least it's better to reduce it by 80 percent or 70, 30, or eliminated," she said.

"That means it is in line with our lives, I am not as easy as turning my palm to not be like women, because I have been like this since I was a child. But, my advice is that currently if we feel ashamed, we can slow it down. I see children now even proud and they seem to think it's okay for them, but in our religion, it is blamed and not justified, so we don't need to complain about that," she added.

22. Support for Influencers Grows

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The increasing number of influencers who publicly reveal their identity as gay or lesbian has also caught Tata Liem's attention. According to him, this is the influence of advancing technology. So, information dissemination from various countries can be received in Indonesia more quickly. Tata Liem himself does not have a problem with the admission made by influencers regarding their sexual orientation in public. However, even so, Tata reminds and asks their LGBT friends to be more restrained in openness so as not to exceed the boundaries that have been set. "Because of this influence, as I said, the times are getting more advanced. Films from abroad are daring, like in Thailand, making series about gay and lesbian stories. In Indonesia, it's not allowed. For me, it's okay, but we have to be grateful that we live in our country which has rules that still maintain its Eastern customs and prohibit such things, so let's hold back a little, don't go overboard," said Tata Liem.

23. Famous as a Woman

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Speaking of the entertainment world, Tata Liem was known for his persona as a woman, with blonde hair, beautiful makeup, feminine clothing, and a cute style that always stuck with this figure. Being a feminine man in the entertainment world is not easy for Tata, considering that the persona of a man with feminine characteristics is still not widely accepted by society. 

"Actually, it's harder for me in Indonesia because they have not accepted things like this yet, especially since there are rules on TV that do not allow it, like acting effeminate, but I am grateful that I can still be accepted on TV because my appearance is still masculine and in line with my education," he explained.

Tata Liem himself explained that what he does by dressing up as a woman is more of an art in photography. Therefore, he is also surprised by transgender men becoming women who seem to have removed the artistic value. Especially those who call themselves transgender and claim to be more beautiful than women. 

"Although this is not acceptable, in the past when I dressed up as a woman it was thematic in photography. I became like a woman and I channeled my hobby. But now, I see that transgender people are different. The art is lost, they are exploiting if they are more beautiful than women, it's different from us before." I salute the late Dorce because he was an entertainer, he became like that to support his child. Nowadays, I see that transgender people are exploiting themselves, sorry if they are more beautiful than women and appear sexy," said the man from Medan.

24. Desire to Get Married

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Known for his cute and feminine appearance, Tata Liem actually has a desire to get married. However, for now, he wants to focus on improving himself so that when the time comes to get married, he does not feel like he is deceiving his partner. He wants to be a completely normal man when he gets married. "I don't want to deceive my partner. What's the point of getting married but only for camouflage, but behind it, I'm still like this. It's better not to. It's better if my future partner knows who I am, what I used to be like, but as much as possible, when I get married, I'm already completely normal," he explained. "It's better not to do it for camouflage. Why make our steps heavier to go to hell? If possible, the older we get, the better. Don't let us die with a bad ending, if possible, a good ending," he concluded.

(kpl/dan/aal/dwn)