Confidently Portraying a Gay Character, Ragil Mahardika Reveals He Once Wanted to Commit Suicide

Kapanlagi.com - Ragil Mahardika never stops being the center of attention for Indonesian netizens. He is known to be very open about being gay. Although he appears relaxed in responding to various criticisms, it turns out that Ragil was stressed in the beginning.

"If in the beginning, yes. If it's said that I was stressed, no. But more like, wow, there are so many, it feels like, wow, this is serious (the criticisms)," he said.

Ragil realized that it was a consequence of playing on social media. So he actually sees it as a joke. It's actually his friends who are confused, wondering how Ragil can handle it, even though there are thousands of negative comments.

"I sometimes find it funny and read them out loud and comment or reply with weird videos, funny ones, or more information," Ragil said.

Ragil also always positions himself as one of them. If he hears something that he doesn't know or doesn't have knowledge of, he will also feel scared or uncomfortable.

"But if I hear it often, I often understand it and I just respect it. So I position myself as one of the haters who criticize, for example. So now I'm just used to it," he added.

1. Ramai Dihujat

For Ragil, people who criticize him don't know Ragil's life. They only see from the outside. He was criticized with inappropriate words, such as 'men are so disrespectful and so on'.

People don't know how hard he fought to get to this point. That's why Ragil is happy to respond to negative comments and turn them into facts.

"If someone says 'because you surrendered and didn't pray to God' or something like that. I ask who said surrender, I also used to pray, I also reached the point of wondering if this is true and I even reached the point of wanting to commit suicide," said Ragil Mahardika.

2. Ingin Bunuh Diri

When chatting with KapanLagi.com, Ragil revealed that he had wanted to commit suicide during his search for identity. It turns out that behind Ragil Mahardika's laughter, he also went through difficult times, KLovers.

"I also went through that process and it took quite a long time. During puberty, before I left for Germany, searching for my identity until I worked abroad and everything, there was a process where I felt alone," he said.

3. Banyak Pertanyaan Untuk Diri

Many questions arose in Ragil's mind during that time, is what he wants really exist in this world? Why does he feel this way? But he doesn't blame anyone, especially God.

"I believe in my God, but in my position, I always wonder why I feel this way? Why can't the feeling just disappear and I can go back to being a normal person? But what else can I do, I can't force it," said Ragil.

4. Criticism for Being Ungrateful

Ragil emphasized that friends who have followed him or have been in the same position as him would understand. If people who are not in the same position would not understand why he speaks like this.

"Those who are blamed for never being grateful, those who do not believe in God and so on. We know what is considered normal for us since we were taught from childhood that men like women and women like men," he said.

"But the world is moving, the world is diverse and the search for identity for those of us who live in villages where there was no social media like now. If it were now, people might see TikTok and understand that there is LGBTQ+ but in my time there was nothing, when I was 17-18 years old there was no internet like now," he added.

5. Been in the Same Position

Ragil knows many people in the same position as him, from people's comments or those who confide in his Instagram. Or from friends who are also in the LGBTQ+ community.

Like now, great transgender people are already on TV. But they too must have gone through the process of self-maturity.

"The process of self-maturity starts with us, for example, when we are in puberty, we like who we like. Do we know what we like, then why are we different, why do we prefer to see boys if we are boys or vice versa, why do girls prefer to see girls, or boys prefer to dress up and eventually choose to become transgender," said Ragil Mahardika.

6. LGBTQ+ Friends Confide in Ragil

It turns out that many LGBTQ+ friends confide in Ragil. They always say they've been in a down position.

"To say to oneself or to the trusted God or to parents or anyone else that it's better to just die, it's over," said Ragil Mahardika.

"The heavy problem is where we value ourselves and eventually become the person we are now, as seen by others. The process can take not just a day or two, but months or even years until we can value ourselves," he added.

7. Search for Identity

Searching for identity is difficult, even requiring asking others or having your own community. That's why LGBTQ+ friends in Ragil's time preferred to go out of town or even out of the country.

"Because finding one's identity is difficult. The coming in process, as we often say in the LGBT world. So the process of accepting oneself is very heavy before we come out to the outside world. We have to come in to ourselves first, whether we really are like this, and we have to find out. The process of accepting oneself is quite time-consuming and requires a lot of energy and thought," said Ragil Mahardika.

8. Not Suddenly Liking Guys

People sometimes mistakenly think that those who are gay suddenly like guys, when in fact it's not like that.

"No, there are many processes behind it and that's what I always tell in my videos starting from YouTube or now on Tik Tok," she said.

(kpl/rhm/dyn)