Goo Hara's Heartbreaking Confessions in Her Diary Revealed: It's Okay, It Doesn't Hurt

Kapanlagi.com - Although it has been almost a year since Goo Hara passed away, the pain left behind is still deeply felt by those who loved her. Goo Hara's brother and father are currently fighting in court to prevent their mother from inheriting the former Kara member's estate and are striving to ensure that other children do not experience the same pain of being abandoned by their mother.

The death and family conflict of Goo Hara are deeply explored in the program Spotlight which airs on JTBC. This segment also reveals several pages from Goo Hara's diary containing heartbreaking confessions.

The entries in this diary somewhat reveal the suffering that Hara experienced in the last years of her life. Some entries were even written when she was still in school.

1. Goo Hara

© JTBC

According to Koreaboo, some of Goo Hara's diary entries seem very positive, like when she had a crush on someone and how she planned for a brighter future by setting aside savings throughout her career. Goo Hara also left a message to love herself.

"October 18, 2019

October 18th, how could I like ... the 18th.
Let's be brave today and stay strong!

Year 19

Year 21 Building - Hankook Ilbo
I've been saving!

Everything starts getting better from November
Because I love myself so much.
I don't have a trailer.

But I love myself so much.
Hara!"

2. Prayer in Times of Sorrow

© JTBC

However, some clear notes indicate that Hara is hurting. When facing difficulties in life, Goo Hara often prays and pours her feelings to God through her diary.

"Hara.
It's okay.
Not in pain.
It's okay.

Hara. It's okay.
Not in pain.
This (problem) will also pass.
God, forgive me.
Father God Jesus.
Wise God.
Please protect me from this disappointment for the last time.
Father.

With Your love,
thank you for comforting me.
Thank you.
With Your love,
thank you for giving me peace,
Father."

3. Missing Mother's Figure

© JTBC

Hara also writes about how she sees herself. She feels that she is a "sensitive" person and that it is the cause of her own unhappiness. Goo Hara knows that there is an empty space in her life because she does not have a mother, but she strives to focus more on being happy in the future.

"What you say. What you think. It will become reality and be done. I have to protect myself first and know myself very well. No, I understand very well that I am more sensitive than others, and I understand myself so well that it terrifies me. Let's stop wasting energy and start taking care of ourselves to always think happy and positive.

I miss my mother. I miss and want to feel a mother. I always keep it hidden and keep it in my heart. I am more desperate than anyone else and I want to be able to feel something.

I am more than anyone else. Hurt... no, I can get hurt. I deserve to get hurt so much."

4. Nggak Apa-Apa

© JTBC

From all the notes available, "nggak apa-apa" is the most frequently written expression by Goo Hara. JTBC then asked a psychology professor at a university to analyze the notes in Goo Hara's diary. Professor Kim Tae Kyung stated that Goo Hara continuously uses the expression "nggak apa-apa" as if she is trying to convince herself that everything is indeed fine.

"Nggak apa-apa. Nggak apa-apa.
Nggak apa-apa. Hara.
Nggak apa-apa. Nggak apa-apa.
Nggak apa-apa. Nggak apa-apa."

5. Timbul Ketakutan

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In addition, the most notable note for Professor Kim is when Goo Hara discusses whether she deserves to be loved. Professor Kim feels that Goo Hara is trying to convince herself to think positively but fails and starts to become afraid.

"Does my existence bother?
Who am I? What should I do? I wonder who I really am. Am I worthy of love? Should I love?"

Professor Kim stated that expressions like this are often used by individuals who have never been wholeheartedly loved. They must constantly strive to obtain someone's love and affection, and that love is easily taken away.

6. Parental Love

© JTBC

Goo Hara's longing for love and affection seems to stem from the fact that her mother left her when she was young, and her father was always busy providing for the family. Based on the terms used in her diary, Professor Kim believes that Goo Hara still loves her father, but she sees her mother only as the person who gave birth to her.

"Father Goo .... I am like this because of Song ... who gave birth to me. You (Goo Hara's mother) used to take me out when you were cheating on father, and you .... Why did you give birth to me if you were going to be like this?" wrote Goo Hara.

7. Already Tired

© JTBC

When reporters asked what Hara meant when she expressed her longing for her mother, Professor Kim believes that Hara is referring more to a comforting and loving mother figure rather than her biological mother. Hara just wants to be loved like a normal mother would love their child.

"It is highly possible that it is her way of asking for help, saying 'I am going through difficulties. I want someone to comfort me. I am tired,'" concluded Professor Kim Tae Kyung.

(kor/rsp)